Capitalism

• Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
• American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
• French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
• Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
• German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
• Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
• British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
• Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
• Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?
• Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.
• Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
• Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.
• Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
• Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.
• Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.
• Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them udder implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their udders on command.
• Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.
• Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
• Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.
• Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.
• Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
• Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.
• Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk