Jezza rapped for swigging gin at the wheel

The Guardian reports: Top Gear has been rapped by the BBC Trust's editorial standards committee for showing presenters Jeremy Clarkson and James May drinking while driving during the show's hit Polar Special. In its monthly publication of rulings, the ESC criticised the Top Gear: Polar Special, broadcast last summer at 8pm on BBC2. It showed Clarkson and May race fellow presenter Richard Hammond to the Magnetic North Pole.
Clarkson and May drove, while Hammond used a sled and dogs.
In its findings, released today, the BBC Trust's complaints committee said that it was "not editorially justified" to show Clarkson and May sipping gin and tonics during their drive.

And my favourite part?

At one point, May asked Clarkson to, "slow down while I cut the lemon".

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Having paid £6.75 for a cinema ticket (is it me, or is that EXTORTIONATE?) I saw the new Narnia film last night. And putting all the religious propaganda stuff to one side for a minute, it's actually a great movie! The story takes place about 1300 years after the events of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and is jam packed full of special effects. There've been tons of reviews of the film but I was amused by one reviewers comment:

"In total effect, Prince Caspian feels a lot more earthbound than The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. At least, that's true until a surprise figure shows up, his giant sculpted liquid face rising out of the waves of an aqua green river. Will viewers agree on what this face is? Or will they debate it the way that certain devout legions do when it is spotted, mysteriously, in the shadowed folds of a potato chip?". (More here).

I wonder if children - who the film is aimed at, will understand the references....

The Little Red School Book

Published in 1971 in Britain, The Little Red School Book caused waves of controversy across the world. 26 pages of it were declared obscene by a London magistrate in July 1971. Magistrate John Purcell declared that the section on sex was likely to “deprave and corrupt” young people. As a result, some sections have been rewritten.

With this in mind, let’s start with that section on sex. As the book explains, “there are still lots of schools where pupils don’t get this information, where they get it too late, or where they only get inadequate of misleading information”. Authors Soren Hansen and Jesper Jensen were quite right. I was at school in the eighties and nineties and sex education was little more than a joke. Whilst I recognise the embarrassment it must have caused the poor old RE teacher dragged in to do it, it’s really quite a simple subject to teach. Kids need the facts. In the book, the sex section goes onto to detail masturbation, orgasms, intercourse and petting (one of the re-written sections), contraceptives, wet dreams, menstruation, “dirty old men”, pornography (rewritten), impotence, homosexuality and so on. Whilst the book does get quite graphic: “when a boy puts his stiff prick into a girl’s vagina and moves it around this is called having intercourse or making love or sleeping together. The usual word for intercourse is fucking”….Graphic? Yes. Honest? Yes. Informative? Yes. The book reassures the reader that having feelings for the same sex are quite normal, that there’s nothing weird about boys having wet dreams, and that “if anybody tells you it’s harmful to masturbate, they’re lying”. In fact, the book was jolly progressive for it’s time, and claimed “the time will come when homosexual marriages are recognised”. Don’t all kids need this information? Britain has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the whole world, and yet we’re pretty prudish about talking about this stuff aren’t we? Countries which are far more liberal about sex and relationships have significantly lower teenage pregnancy rates…coincidence?

The book also covers drugs. The section is very honest and informs the reader that “drugs can harm you in two ways. They can affect your body directly. And they can be habit-forming or addictive, which means that you can become mentally or physically dependent on them”. Discussing a range of legal and illegal substances, the book neatly details how some drugs can make you feel, and what to do afterwards. “If you only drink a little, you’ll only get mildly drunk (or merry, tipsy, tight or stoned). This usually feels rather pleasant. You feel happy and lose some of your most common inhibitions, ie shyness”. The book warns that if you drink more “you wobble around, you lose all control over your speech and movements, and you will probably be violently sick”. The drugs section also details different types of cannabis, how most people take it, and outlines its dangers. It makes a good point about using drugs to solve problems, and says “if pot was legalised, it would eliminate most of the artificial glamour and mystery that are sometimes associated with it. Remember that, legal or illegal, pot is only another artificial means of getting a pleasant sensation. It can’t actually solve any problems you may have, in fact it may just make them worse”. Sounds like a good point to me.

I can understand how the conservative crowd in the late 60s and early 70s were up in arms about this – after all – no one had dared put this stuff on paper before had they? Certainly not aimed at school children. But even if you think it’s too graphic or whatever, the mere fact that children had read this book would have created debate – whether in school, amongst friends, or in the family – that must be a good thing? Surely.

The book also takes away the need to write into an agony aunt doesn’t it?

Dear Aunty Gloria, last night my boyfriend and I went to a party. We both drank beer and smoked pot. Afterwards, he touched my breats in an upstairs bedroom. It felt nice. But I told my friends about it, and they said it was dirty. I now feel sick, dizzy and dirty and don’t know what to do. Am I normal? Martha.

Dear Martha, please read The Little Red School Book.

Job done.

Recently a programme on BBC Radio 4 discussed this little book which during the 1970s sold for 30p! The book now changes hands for around £70.00!

13 people in a Volvo

Gah, my friends and I thought we'd set the record by getting 10 people in a Rover hatchback. It was relatively simple: one in the drivers seat, two in the front passenger seat, five in the back, and two in the boot! I feel a challenge coming on...

Full story here.

The Great Office War

Postgrad degrees awarded to students lacking basic language skills

Here's an extract from a BBC article yesterday:

Degrees are being awarded to overseas students who speak almost no English, claims a whistleblowing academic. The academic, at a world-famous UK university, says postgraduate degrees are awarded to students lacking in the most basic language skills. There are concerns that financial pressures to recruit overseas students for cash rather than quality could threaten the credibility of degrees. But Universities UK says there are "rigorous" checks on standards. The number of overseas students taking higher degree courses, such as masters and doctorates, has soared - rising more than eightfold since the mid-1990s. More than 60% of higher degree students are now from outside the UK. Overseas students have been seen as a lucrative source of revenue - with the Higher Education Policy Institute calculating payments to universities of almost £1.5bn per year in fees plus £2.2bn in living costs. But the whistleblowing academic, who wants to remain anonymous, describes a postgraduate system in which lecturers are expected to teach courses to overseas students who have only the most limited English. These students, who pay an average of about £19,000 per year, will in theory have passed English language proficiency tests, but there are questions about the reliability of such evidence. "For example, last week I tried to speak to a student who could not understand a simple request; in the end, we had to resort to pen and paper," writes the academic, who works at a leading Russell Group university. "Someone who needs to communicate using pictures is, to say the least, unlikely to have passed the language proficiency test by themselves." Describing the frustration of fellow lecturers, this academic says that once students have arrived at the university, often to study for a one-year masters course, it becomes difficult for them to be failed or sent home. While there is intense competition for undergraduate places at the university, the academic says that it is much easier for overseas students to find places on taught postgraduate courses. It is also unusual for students to fail postgraduate courses - so much so that there are no national figures. The Higher Education Statistics Agency says that its record-keeping on degree levels "does not explicitly contain the concept of 'failing' a course".

Furthmore, a student walked out of an MSc course at Southampton for exactly this reason. Full story here. Following the BBC publishing the story, students, academics and admin staff commented on the story...here's just one example:

This is absolutely true - the idea that "rigorous checks" are preventing this kind of thing is complete rubbish. I did my PhD at a well-known red brick university and spent some time sharing an office with an overseas student. His English was so bad it was impossible for us to exchange any meanigful communication. Staff acknowledged this to be a significant problem, but the general feeling was that they were unable to turn down the income provided by overseas students. At the end of the day his supervisor will end up effectively ghost-writing his thesis as he cannot afford for students to fail and adversely affect his chances of receiving further funding.

Whilst I am sadly no longer a student, I spent 4 years studying, and now work in HE. During my undergrad, whilst there were high numbers of international students, I didn't encounter any problems - apart from one seminar leader - a PhD student at the University - who not only couldn't communicate orally or in writing in English, he had almost no understanding of British University culture - meaning that there were often very uncomfortable moments in discussion groups where we were forced to explain aspects of, for example, the British media to him, as he had almost no understanding of it!

I recently did a masters at a Russell Group university where, at a guess, 40% of students on the course were overseas students. The majority of the time, it didn't cause a huge problem, but there were often occasions where lecturers would have to stop and explain various things to them because they didn't understand particular terminology and so on. This kind of thing can be frustrating at times, but meeting and studying with students from different cultures and backgrounds is part of the academic experience, and of course they were able to contribute tales and experience from their home countries - very useful when comparing the British context to others. International students make for enriching the academic experience for all.

Having said that, it's imperative that universities test students English language capabilities before accepting them onto the course. International students do pay vast sums of fees, and HEIs should NEVER be tempted to accept these students purely on financial grounds.

Capitalism

• Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
• American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
• French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
• Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
• German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
• Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
• British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
• Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
• Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?
• Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.
• Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
• Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.
• Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
• Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.
• Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.
• Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them udder implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their udders on command.
• Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.
• Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
• Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.
• Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.
• Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
• Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.
• Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk

Top Secret docs on a train - what would you do?

I've been thinking about the whole security breach issue - with 2 sets of top secret documents being left on public transport and then handed in to the media - the first set to the BBC, and the second to a national newspaper. If you ask me, there's no way these were accidents. Think about it...

*imagine yourself on a train...you find yourself a seat, put your bag down, take your coat off, and start sipping your over priced take out coffee. You glance to the seat next to you and see an envelope. You look around to see if it might belong to someone. You see no-one. You cautiously pick up the envelope and have a peek inside. You see two documents stamped Top Secret. On closer inspection you realise that these are pretty serious docs. Now, what to do next. Hand them in to the local authority? Hand them into the train guard? Hand them in to the local police station? Of course you would*

Isn't it interesting that both these docs got handed to the media? I think so. Me thinks someone somewhere is out to discredit the government. Can you blame them?

Now, of course, if I'd found them, I'd have phoned 118118...

118118: Which number do you require?

Rachel: Rupert Murdoch please.

118118: The number will follow.

Rachel: Thanks.

*ring ring.....

Rupert: Hello?

Rachel: Ah, Mr Murdoch, I have something in my hand which I think will interest you...

Rupert: I am a very busy man Rachel...

Rachel: Oh I know, but trust me, this is goooood....2 documents - one detailing the security situation in Iraq, and the other detailing Al-Qaeda's vulnerabilities.

Rupert: Ok, you have my full attention.

Rachel: Good...

(conversation continues, huge financial deal struck)....*

Well, can you blame me? There's a credit crunch on you know...

Government wins 42 day vote by 9 votes

Yesterday the government won the 42 day vote by 9 votes. NINE! 315 - 306. After the Commons vote Baronness Kennedy said that it was "all about deals behind the scenes" and that "democracy had been twisted to get the result". Not that I tend to ever agree with the Tories, Shadow Home Secretary David Davis said that there had been a "whole series of shenanigans going on" and that the result had "no authority" and "no legitimacy". Amnesty International's Mike Blakemore said that it was a "dangerous and disappointing decision".

BBC's James Landale was outside Parliament reporting on the vote and said that the government had only won with the support of the Democratic Unionist Party, and that Gordon's "won himself a breather". Amusingly, during James' reports, a chap was stood behind him with a sign which read STOP WORLD WAR 3 OVER IRAQ - NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST on one side, and 7 MILLION IRAQIS KILLED, INJURED, HOMELESS SINCE 2001 on the other. I wonder if he'd had permission to protest. I doubt it. Good for him.

Brains' stance on The Vulcan

Here's what Brains had to say when I suggested moving The Vulcan to St. Fagans.

Dear Ms Thomas,Thank you for your email and kinds words regarding the Vulcan public house Cardiff. I am the area manager who is responsible for the pub, and it truly is a gem, unfortunately the pub was subject of a compulsory purchase order and there was absolutely nothing the company could do to save it. It will be a great loss in 2009 when the pub pulls its last pint of beer, but i'm afraid it is out of our hands.Should you wish to discuss this further then please do not hesitate to contact me on my mobile number.Phill MardonBusiness Development Manager

I am VERY sad about this. Cardiff's history is being ripped out of its heart and soul :(

Yet another security blunder for Gordy

It's one security breach after another isn't it?! On yesterday's 6pm BBC news Frank Garder (possibly the BBC's most hilarious correspondent) announced that a senior official had left 2 top secret documents on a Waterloo to Surrey train, and that Scotland Yard were on their way to the BBC to seize the documents.

*imagines meat wagons full of coppers storming the BBC newsroom*

The two documents addressed the security situation in Iraq - reportedly a damning assessment of Iraq's security forces, and details of al-Qaeda's vulnerabilities. The BBC described this as an "embarrassing and sensitive security breach". I'd say.

Frank Gardner (really, I can't stress how hilarious this guy is) said that Scotland Yard would be considering the documents as part of a potential criminal investigation, but that he "wanted to hang on to them to wave them around on the set". To be honest, he should have, and when the old bill turned up he should've run off with them. It would've made the news far more entertaining.

Sainsburys Colchester Ave - no Alphabites for me :(

Following my letter to Sainsburys highlighting my disappointment over the lack of Alphabites, a nice chap called Carl wrote back to me. The letter read:

Dear Rachel

Thank you for contacting us. I am sorry that you are unable to buy Be Alphabites at your local Colchester Avenue store. I can understand how disappointed you must be.

I am sorry to say that this product is no longer ranged at our stores. I appreciate how annoying it is when one or more of your favourite products is withdrawn. We never take such decisions lightly, because we know some customers will be disappointed.

Sometimes we have no choice other than to discontinue items if they are not selling very well over a period of time. We use this opportunity to introduce new lines and extend ranges that are more popular with our customers. I would like to reassure you that our buyers do liaise with our store managers. This helps them to understand what our customers are buying and ensure our stock reflects local needs.

I have passed your comments onto our buyers here at our store support centre. They will take them into consideration at the next range review meeting should enough customers request this product. They will be aware of any requests made by your local store.

Thank you once again for taking the time to contact us. I hope this product will be available in the future

Kind regards

Carl Stokes
Customer Manager

Dangerous labels on Big Brother?

I promised myself not to watch, read or do anything that would get me involved with Big Brother this summer, however, Channel 4 have managed to grab my attention once again by putting 2 visually impaired housemates into the house. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that that caught my attention, but a comment on the BBC Ouch! message board which read:

"I hope he or she is aware that they are representing the visually impaired community and give us a good name. I hope that they don't have awful blind habits, such as rocking or not looking at people when talking to them. I would like to hope that they will be normal."

What utter crap. Does that mean that if I went into the BB house I would be representing the alumni community of Goldsmiths College, or everyone in Cardiff, or everyone in Wales? No, of course it doesn't. Jeesh.

My letter to Sainsburys

Sorry to bang on about this, but I felt so strongly about the whole Alphabites fiasco that I wrote to their customer services department. The letter read:

Dear Sirs,

Yesterday I visited your store on Colchester Avenue in Cardiff, on a somewhat nostalgic mission to buy Alphabites and Spaghetti Hoops. I was devastated to find that there were no Alphabites in your store!

I am writing to you to firstly illustrate my disappointment and sadness at my finding, and secondly to urge you to stock the product in the future.

I believe that the product is made by Birds Eye.

In the end I was forced to buy McCain Smileys instead. To be honest, as tasty as they were, they weren't half as satisfying as the lettery lunch. And you know, big wigs in our country are continuously banging on that the 'yoof' of today can't spell and all the rest of it, well to be honest, yesterday you played a part in that problem. How can we expect our children to learn to spell without Alphabites? They were a cornerstone to my learning as a child.

Will you be stocking the product in your Cardiff stores in the future?

I look forward to hearing from you very soon on this matter,

Kindest regards,

Rachel Thomas MA BA (Hons)

Where oh where are the Alphabites?

Recently I seemed to have regressed to being 5 years old again and have had insane cravings for Alphabites and Heinz Spaghetti Hoops. So off I trundle to Sainsbury's yesterday to find that there were NO ALPHABITES to be found! *gasp*

Can someone tell me where I can buy some in the Cardiff area?